They choose good men, if not great love affairs. I watched women a few years older than me settle down with boyfriends they loved but with whom there seemed little spark or passion their partnership seemed to be primarily a catalyst to security and the kind of nuclear family arrangement they ultimately desired. This wasn’t a bad lens to bring to a relationship – it more or less meant asking whether the guy was fundamentally kind and self-sufficient, whether he acted as an equal partner, and whether you had similar goals for your lives. At least in my circle of largely college-educated, feminist-minded friends, women who married before 30 were something akin to child brides, strange and somewhat pitiable curiosities – how, we wondered somewhat condescendingly, could a 25-year-old even fully know who she was, let alone know who she wanted to attach herself to? So it wasn’t as if there was pressure to get married or some social convention I was bucking.īut there was a sense that, by your early 30s, it was time to make a move, which meant spending your late 20s evaluating men in terms of their marriageability. In more conservative pockets of the United States, getting married at 22 might still be in the norm, but in New York, where I lived for nearly the entirety of my young adulthood, we prided ourselves in not adhering to the social convention that women should spend their 20s husband-hunting, instead choosing to date a variety of men, foster female friendships, travel widely, and focus on our careers. There was, it seemed to me, still a pervasive sell-by marital age that dogged even the most progressive women in the most liberal cities. But it was the seeming compulsoriness of it, the way in which I watched couples around me slide into it as a marker of responsible adulthood, that turned me off. It’s not that I thought marriage was a universally bad institution to the contrary, I wrote often about how feminism was making it a better one. The truth is that it wasn’t the music video but my own cynicism, bolstered by feminist theory, that put me squarely in the marriage-free camp throughout my 20s. I said Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” – it was the first music video I ever watched, sneaking in a little MTV at a neighbor’s house, and it so terrified me that, I said jokingly, I was put off marriage forever. It wasn’t part of a serious conversation, but an aside in a getting-to-know-you activity we played as a group of journalists on a reporting trip in Malawi: name a song that influenced you, and explain why. Note: When you embed the widget in your site, it will match your site's styles (CSS).Within hours of meeting my now-husband, I told him I would never get married.
#I changed my mind code#
Get the embed code Lyrics Born - I Changed My Mind Album Lyrics1.Always Fine Tuning2.I Changed My Mind3.I Changed My Mind (DJ Spinna mix)4.I Changed My Mind (Rattlesnake mix by Stereo MC's radio edit)5.I Changed My Mind (Stereo MC's Rattlesnake mix)Lyrics Born Lyrics provided by I changed my mind bout this here relationship They were just a reflection of your self-respect. Would shift direction when put into action.Īnd would I deserve and once you mature girlīut your limitations would've held me back.
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